Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
