Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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