Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
