last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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