My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
