dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
