Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
where are you?
Hypothermia
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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