Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
