Someone shit on the floor
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
