i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
