then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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