Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
