I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
