OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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