quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
