She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
