I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
