Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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