I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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