you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
