My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
