Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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