I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
