i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
