He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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