and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
