I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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