There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i think i just lost a toe
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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