She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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