Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
