i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
