this beer tastes like vomit already
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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