We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
