I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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