Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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