i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
