I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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