i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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