i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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