My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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