My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
