My Higher Power is John Stamos
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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