I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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