dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
