I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
