Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
