My Higher Power is John Stamos
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Be still, my beating vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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