Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
