I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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