gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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