How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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